- How the service works
- You must be 18 years or older to use this site
- You can create familial bonds in the absence of childhood bonding,
and you can create an extended family of your choosing
- Some tips for creating this unique relationship
- Stay Safe when using the internet
- What to call each other
- This service is different from mentoring programs
and/or adopt-a-grandparent programs
- This is not a dating site
- Non Discrimination
- Adult Adoption
- Other Questions / Contact Us
Through a series of questions, you outline the parameters for the type of extended family member you are looking for. The answers to these questions determine who you are matched with (your "Matching Criteria"). Through a second series of questions, you create a Profile, which your matches will be able to view. The questions are designed to help you clarify what you want from an extended family relationship and what you would bring to the relationship. You can then use this site to exchange emails, before deciding if you would like to meet someone.
In order to protect both you and the integrity of the site, we limit the number matches you can receive in any 24 hour period to 24 matches per search. When you log in the next day, if there are any new matches for the last search criteria you entered, you will be able to see the new matches.
You can edit both your Matching Criteria and your Profile at any time. For example, you can do one search for a son/daughter figure, and then you can do another search for a sibling figure, and then you could go back and do another search for a son/daughter figure, perhaps expanding your search criteria if necessary. Keep in mind, that each time you edit your Matching Criteria, you may be matched with entirely different people. (Editing your Profile will not effect with whom you are matched.)
If you like one or some of your matches, but would still like to experiment with your Matching Criteria, you may do so. You can elect to "save" certain matches, before editing the Matching Criteria. Any matches, which you do not save, may be lost. You may be able to find a lost match by entering the same search criteria that originally matched you with them, but there is no guarantee. The other person may have changed their Matching Criteria, or they may not be within the 24 matches you can receive each day.
SO, IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT LIKE A MATCH, SAVE THAT MATCH BEFORE DOING ANOTHER SEARCH.
International users: The service is available worldwide. The service will match you with anyone who fits your Matching Criteria and is in your country. Please contact us if you have any questions, but especially questions regarding if: (1) the fee for the service is too expensive in your region; or (2) you would like to know how far away a match is, before paying for the service. We will gladly assist you in resolving these issues.
The purpose of this site is to match adults. We understand that minor children especially deserve a loving nuclear family, and many children without families would probably like to search for parents based on their own criteria, but we do not screen or do background checks on anyone. You may not use this site unless you are 18 years or older. Even for those over 18, you must use your own best judgment when meeting people, and please see our suggestions regarding money and staying safe below.
The prospect of creating a parent to adult-child bond in the absence of having shared childhood experiences may seem daunting, but we can build families with the people we choose to be in our lives. Most of us know someone who has a close relationship with a father figure or mother figure in their life, who is not actually their biological father or mother. Sometimes it is a relative, and sometimes it is someone they met along the way.
Many of us do not naturally meet parent figures once we are beyond a certain age, which is why a service like Creating Extended Families has the potential to bring tremendous value to your life, if you currently do not have a strong and healthy network of extended family.
Of course, you cannot recreate your childhood. The relationship will not be the same as if you had lived in the same house and grown up together. But with some time and a little effort, you can create a strong intergenerational bond and build an extended family of your choosing.
First, know that you can create a family of your choosing. There is certainly no formula for doing so, but consider the following, and perhaps it will be helpful.
Take some time to exchange emails through this site before meeting. Before meeting, you may want to talk on the phone first, to get a better sense of the other person. When you're ready to meet, plan to meet in a public place during the day. You probably want to meet for coffee or a meal just to meet and get a sense of the other person in real life. You do not have to invite the first person you meet into your life. Carefully consider if this is a person you want to be part of your extended family. If it is not, be honest and polite, but be direct. You can both come back and continue to use this site to meet others who might be a better fit for your life and you theirs.
When you find someone whom you think would be a great person to be a member of your extended family, great! Then make a commitment to take the time and develop that friendship.
Make the time, keep commitments, and be reliable. This is a unique relationship that you are embarking upon, and it will involve time, consistency, reliability and kindness to develop. If you believe you have found someone you can envision as part of your extended family, then set aside time to develop the friendship.
Make a commitment to meet regularly for a period of time, preferably in a public place. Perhaps brunch every Saturday morning for the next few months. Having a predictable and recurring get together is more powerful than it may seem. It engenders trust, enthusiasm, and familiarity.
Of course you can decide otherwise, and discuss with each other what each person wants from this relationship. But keep in mind, this is a unique type of relationship, and it will need some cultivation. Shared experiences will help solidify a bond, so try to do things together. If talking over brunch once a week is not your thing, consider other types of shared experiences that could be recurring – sporting events, batting ranges, walking at the local park, free local concerts.
Perhaps discuss the types of things you always wanted to do with a parent figure, or what your shared interests are. Consider having the adult child list of a few things they always wanted to do with a parent figure, and then have the parent figure select one item on the list and plan that event. For example, if you always wanted to go to a sporting even with a father figure, list a few types of local sporting events, and the father figure can look up game dates and start times.
For most people, predictable and regularly scheduled get togethers, are probably the most important thing you can do to develop an extended family.
Be present and kind. Treat each other with respect and kindness. Possibly the most basic need we all have is to feel valued. Look for and appreciate the value in each other. Communicate what you envision this relationship to look like, and discuss each other's vision together.
Be reliable and keep commitments. Don't worry so much about trying to be an idealized version of a parent or adult-child. You’re really just developing a friendship first, and sometimes the most important thing is to just show up.
We do not do background checks on anyone, and we do not verify the accuracy of any statements made by our users. You should feel free to do your own research on the person you are meeting. There are lots of ways of doing this, such as simply typing the person's name into an internet search engine, or a more thorough investigation using a paid service to obtain a full background report.
Please use your own best judgment and pay attention to your instincts when meeting people. Pay attention to warning signs. Some, but not all, warnings signs to consider are anyone who asks you for money, asks you to buy things, wants you to make investments, makes sexual references, is offensive, provides inconsistent information, or asks you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
Be careful sharing personal information. You can use our site to exchange anonymous emails with your matches until you feel you know the other person and you are comfortable sharing other information. Before meeting, you may want to talk on the phone first, to get a better sense of the other person.
When meeting for the first time, meet in a public place, during the day. Have your own reliable method of transportation to and from the meeting. Get as much information from the other person as possible, such as their first and last name and give that information to someone if possible. Do not meet at your house or place of employment, or give out that information, until you know the person better.
One of your interests will probably be to include your parent/child figure in holiday celebrations, but do not rush into having the person to your home. Remember that, until you know the person better, holidays can be celebrated in public places, also.
Protect your children: This service is potentially a great vehicle for creating not only parent to adult-child relationships, but also grandparent-grandchild relationships. There are many single parents without any extended family, and there are so many lovely people who would make wonderful grandparents. We hope this site helps you find each other. However, please be very careful introducing anyone to children. Again, we do not do background checks on anyone. Please make sure that you have taken the time to get to know the other person very well. If the person you are matched with will have any contact with children, we strongly suggest you investigate your match as carefully as possible, and you may want to consider doing a background check.
Be smart with your money: Parents often provide financial assistance, even to adult children, and you may be tempted to help foster your relationship by acting like many parents do when it comes to money. However, this is a brand new relationship for both of you, and it is important that the relationship have a spiritual or emotional foundation, and not a financial foundation. You are each adults, and each should be self sufficient.
We strongly suggest that you do not exchange cash for any reason for at least the first two years of the relationship with your surrogate parent/child.
We also strongly suggest, that for the first several years, any gifts be kept to a very reasonable limit (i.e. spend nothing more than what you would reasonably spend on a new friend).
Please use your own best judgment when paying for activities. Ideally each adult should pay for themselves for an activity, but there is no hard and fast rule.
The point is to create a strong relationship with a spiritual / emotional bond as the foundation -- and to protect yourself from potential exploitation.
That probably will not be an issue for awhile. Just develop the friendship first. After a time, you may want to call each other by your first names or eventually mom, dad, grandma, etc. You could also use terms like choice dad/chosen mom, etc. Each extended family will be different.
Those are excellent endeavors, but the purpose of this site differs in many ways. Everyone participating in this site must be a legally competent adult. This is not a charity. You are not volunteering to be the primary giver in the relationship, and you should not use this service to find someone to cater to you. Both sides should intend to be relatively equal participants in the relationship.
The matching process is intended to help clarify both what you want from the relationship and what you can bring to the relationship. Mentoring may be part of the relationship, but it should not be the entire basis for the relationship. The younger adult will most likely be seeking some kind of mentoring from the older adult, but the intention of people participating in this site should be greater than mere mentoring. The purpose is to match people who want to be there for each other like family -- who care about each other’s lives and their well being -- people who want be present to witness both the milestones and pebbles in your life, and for whom you want to do the same for them.
This is not a dating site. This site matches people for the purpose of creating platonic extended family relationships. Even the remotest possibility of romantic attraction would completely undermine the purpose of creating a surrogate extended family. We, therefore, strongly suggest that you only seek matches in which there will not be even the possibility of romantic attraction. People who use this site to seek such things as, for example, May to December romances will be removed from the site. There are plenty of other places on the internet to find romance. That is not the intention of this service.
We do not discriminate against anyone on the basis of sexual orientation, race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, marital status, or political affiliation. We encourage everyone with good intentions, looking for platonic extended family relationships, to use this service. Keep in mind that even the remotest possibility of a romantic attraction, would undermine the purpose of creating platonic extended family relationships. Because human sexuality is often considered fluid and/or falling along a complicated spectrum, it would be impossible for us, on our end, to ensure that you are matched only with people with whom you would not have even the possibility of a romantic attraction. Although on your end, if users of this site are open and honest about your sexual orientation, it will help everyone ensure they are matched platonically. Questions in the Matching Criteria and Profile may ask you about your sexual orientation. These questions are solely to facilitate matches being able to verify the platonic nature of the match. You do not have to provide this information in order to use the service. Always use your own best judgment.
In many states, there is such a thing as legally adopting an adult as your child and/or legal heir. We strongly suggest that you do not rush into that, or even plan for that at this stage. But if over time, a strong and enduring relationship forms, and you feel that adoption would be something to learn more about, please contact a reputable family attorney in your state, with experience in adult adoption, and fully educate yourself on those issues.
If you have concerns about a particular match on this site, please do not hesitate to contact us, so that appropriate steps can be taken to keep Creating Extended Families as safe and effective as possible.
We wish you all the best in creating your own extended family. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you have, or if you have any suggestions regarding how we might better assist you in this endeavor.
All the best to you and yours!
